Probation
All it took to destroy Andy Nocera’s seemingly perfect life was an anonymous tryst at an Interstate rest area. Sentenced to probation and thrown out by his wife, he spends his week as a traveling salesman, and his weekends at his mother’s house where no questions are asked–and no explanations are offered.
To clear his record, the State of North Carolina requires Andy to complete one year of therapy without another arrest. He attends his sessions reluctantly at first, struggling to comprehend why he would risk everything. Answers don’t come easily, especially in the face of his mother’s sudden illness and his repeated failure to live as an openly gay man. But as Andy searches his past, he gets an opportunity to rescue another lost soul–and a chance at a future that is different in every way from the one he had envisioned.
With profound honesty, sharp wit, and genuine heart, this debut novel portrays one man’s search–for love and passion, acceptance and redemption–and for the courage to really live.
“If you’re looking for a smart, engaging, witty, sad and unusual book about the complicated nature of family and love, try Tom Mendicino’s Probation. You’ll be glad you did.” –Bart Yates
“Probation is the rare novel that dares to take the reader on a journey through the dark night of the soul. An unflinching look at the dark side of self-discovery, it is ultimately a story of transformation and the worlds of possibilities hidden within each of us.” –Michael Thomas Ford
-If David Sedaris were cast as Willy Loman, it might sound something like Probation. Andy, a sharp-tongued travelling salesman, gives us the life events that led to his being taken away in handcuffs, and the hilarious and agonizing self-inquiry that follows. Snarky, yet profound, it is a bold examination of the destructive effects of a life spent in the closet, reported with a Carolina twang.- –Vestal McIntyre
User Ratings and Reviews
5 Stars Hits home!
I read this book and it made me uncomfortable. This book mirrored certain aspects and feelings that I have as an older gay man (I am in my 40’s). Regret, unable to face certain mistakes, lonliness, a death of a parent, changes in career, loss of supposed friends and emotional support. What the character felt and went through, I identified with it. The fact that the character and I are in the same age group helped me identify with him tremendously.
This book hit home in many aspects but it also gave a sense of hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Will definitely read this book again, and, order a few copies for my friends. Thank you Mr. Mendicino. Well done.
5 Stars A very passionate heartfelt story
Andy Nocera has been married for twenty years to the woman he loves like no other. Unfortunately, he realizes at some point in his marriage that he’s very very gay. The story opens shortly after Andy is arrested when caught having sex with another man in a public restroom. Kicked out of his house, he now lives with his mother and must attend weekly counseling sessions with a psychiatrist/priest named Matt.
The novel takes place mainly over the course of that first year, extending for a bit beyond. It’s told in narrative form by Andy, and contains powerful imagery. Tom Mendicino has great command over the English language, and virtually every sentence is carefully constructed with powerful emotions and imagery as Andy tries to confront his demons and find happiness.
This is definitely not light material. Not only is every sentence carefully constructed and emotion-packed, Andy is a very very depressed and negative person. He still loves his wife and hates himself for hurting her so badly. He hates himself for what he did and what he is, and is trapped in a spiral of self-destructive behavior. The only flaw I could find in the book is that for a very very very long time, until the very final chapters, Andy vents great frustration, self-hatred, selfishness, and just about every other negative emotion possible. It’s an emotionally-taxing novel to read. I felt that there should have been a few breaks for the reader as it is difficult to be confronted with so much hatred and despair for such a long time. The ending was uplifting, but not by a great deal. It was more a matter of it being very uplifting by comparison to everything that preceded it. We see that Andy is finally coming to peace with himself and finding happiness, but I felt he still wasn’t embracing life and love fully and unconditionally.
That said, it’s still a very powerful, emotional, and expertly-crafted novel. True emotions felt by any middle-aged gay man are present within these pages, and many of us can find parts of ourselves in Andy. There are passages that surprise you with how strongly and suddenly they hit you in the gut. The author taps into very primal and universal emotions present within us all and without hesitation rips them from your heart.
It’s not light, it’s rarely fun (if at all), but it’s powerful and emotion-provoking. It often forces you to confront yourself and pray that you’re strong enough to continue reading.
1 Stars Depressing Junk
This book was so Depressing, and I was angry with the lead character the entire book. I kept thinking there would be some pay off, and a redemption, or a way that this character could make himself decent, or likable, that is why I kept reading. I hated this book. Self hating gay man who wont accept that he is gay, and hurts everyone around him because he is suffering, instead of getting and embracing help. A total Loser, and left me angry and depressed.
5 Stars High Praise for an Incredible First Novel
I stumbled upon Probation in Amazon, before which I knew nothing of Mendicino’s first novel. One word - fantastic. Mendicino has captured in a stunning account the life of a middle-aged man caught in a circle of despair and desire, grappling with his feelings and the realities that accompanied his arrest and ongoing rehabilitation.
The book’s review on Amazon made me expect something a bit more salacious, but it ends up being an indepth look at the lead character’s emotions, motivations and journey.
One of the very best gay fiction books I’ve ever read. It’s refreshing to find a novel that doesn’t rely on the old tropes of ‘coming of age’, campy cultural references, or rainbows and skittles romance to describe the gay experience. This book is well worth the price.
5 Stars The Best Gay Read in a While
Though a bit of a downer at times, “Probation” is ultimately redemptive. Andy Nocera, like most of us, walks the line between likable and unlikable. I found this book satisfying, with a weight, a solidness, that I think will stick with me for a great while.
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